An Erotic Manifesto

A submissives journey to being complete

Rituals

I. Have reached a point in my submission that I am craving more, more submission. I travel so much for work and do not always get to see Him when I can on the weekends due to our schedules that I need to feel Him everyday. I have asked Him to give me some sort of task or ritual to start doing so I can better serve Him and always remain conscious that I belong to him, that regardless of the miles between us at times I must remain true to my submission.

I chose this, I asked Him for a way to continue to grow, after all this is my first D/s relationship and I want to learn and grow from this experience,to the least get the full taste of what it is to be fully committed to a relationship that has a very large power exchange in.

I have yet to receive my new tasks and rituals but lets just say I am very excited. I am anticipating the feeling that has been missing. I know I can serve more, he is just so self-sufficient that there is sometimes very little room left for me to serve. Trust me, I ask and I ask when possible to give any assistance possible. Maybe it is time for me to say that I am not getting that feeling of slice fulfilled. He has been very kind and patient with me in opening me up to all of this. I am sure there is a method and reason why he has been so gentle with me at times. Maybe it’s to not scare me away? Maybe it’s because he cares so much he doesn’t want to hurt me or scar me? Maybe he is just that type of Dominant? Regardless I believe there are areas in which I can assist my own growth.

I feel that I need to be a bit more proactive in this relationship. Even though it goes against the normal of being a submissive I want to be proactive and bring a different dynamic to this relationship. I want Him to know that I am trying in our relationship, that I am making an effort in my submission.

I’m going to do some searching and find some ways that I can make some rituals for our relationship; I will then present them to Him for his approval and see what He thinks about them.

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Secretary

pet

I just saw the movie Secretary with James Spader and Maggie Gyllenhaal. The movie is a few years old and I streamed it online after reading about it in a book about kink. I’ve read two books that are wonderful! I will list and discuss them in another posting but for now I will discuss the movie.

The movie starts of with Maggie being a soft mousey secretary who is masochistics, cuts herself and was recently in a mental hospital. She is hired by James Spader to be his secretary. He slowly discovers that Maggie is cutting herself and is in need of discipline. He coaches, guides, and allows for her to blossom before his eyes. By the end of the movie she is in love. in pure love with a man who has taken control over her life and transformed her into a strong empowering woman.

Seeing how it started, seeing how he molded her to His creation. He made her. I want that, I want Dom to work with me and make me into what he wants. I am going to ask him if he can set tasks and a mental control to our relationship. We are moving slowly along in our physical relationship and there are many times when I want to speed things up. But I know that he knows best and he is moving slowly so we can learn and grow from each other.

One of my favorite scenes is when James Sander and Maggie are on the phone and he specifically orders her what to eat, “one spoonful of mashed potatoes, 4 peas and as much ice cream as you would like.” She did exactly that. The joy that she gets as she is scooping the mashed potatoes and counting exactly the 4 peas she is going to eat. The joy she is getting from simply doing as she is told. It’s as if he is always with her, reminding her that no matter where she is she is not in control, He is in control of her life, her well being.

The other scene that I really enjoyed was when She realizes that she wants to be with James 24/7. He tries to push her away and tells her that he cannot do it. She is heartbroken when she is fired and pushed away from his life. She becomes engaged and quickly realizes that she cannot be in a vanilla relationship that would never fulfill her desires. She goes back to James and he orders her to stay at the desk and to not move, she stays there for days waiting for him to come and get her. after what seems like weeks of not moving and her family going and trying to help her he finally goes and rescues her. He takes care of her and they are involved in a 24/7 relationship. To the outside world they seem like a normal couple but they know that their lives and relationship is very different.

I’m just falling in love. I want a structure a foundation that we are able to be ourselves no matter what. I see my life with him. I see a home and children where we are together knowing that behind our bedroom doors, when we are alone, he has complete control over me. I want him to tell me what I can wear wheat I cant wear what to eat what to do when I can do it. I want him to be in control of my life. I want him to make a structure that I must follow and if I dont follow it I will be punished.

He would punish me and mold me into what he wants. I need a more submissive relationship now. I know that he has the control but he has to take more control of my life. I want to give him more control of it. I want him not only to take control of our sex life but my life.

I want to be in a 24/7 relationship with him. Be equals and know that we are special. There is no other man that I want. He lights my world and when I am with him there is no one that I think about. Over the past few weeks I have had men hit on me, three ex boyfriends that want to get back with me and I have shut them all down. Shut them down because I know deep inside they will never fulfill me. They couldn’t. There is no way that any of them will be able to satisfy the craving of submitting. Only this lifestyle will and can complete this feeling.

Trust

lost

I fear I have stepped out of line and now have lost my trust in Him. I know that I had a strong feeling to check a while ago but didn’t want to because I was scared. Scared to know what I might find and scared that my fears would come true I am lost right now and dont know what to do. My heart tells me to confront and communicate with him but my instincts are telling me to run away and send Him to Hell! He broke my trust and I feel I need an explanation.

I did a bad thing, a stupid thing, but I wanted to know….Since I met Dom I stopped looking. I stopped looking at other men and stopped considering the possibility of having another man in my Life. He makes me happy, sitting on the couch having meals together, playing together. I even have met his friends and family now. But I dont know if I can get passed all that now. I went online to the http://www.bdsmsingles.com, the site that lead us to find each other. A site where singles into kinky things can met, just like eharmony or match.com only better! You right away now that you’re compatible in meeting and feeding that hungry desire that you so wish to have quenched.

I went online, and reactivated my account. I deactivated it as soon as I met him. I knew He would make me happy and I was ok with that. Now I dont know what to do. I went online and looked at his profile…He still has his. He was online so early as last week. Glad it wasn’t last night or 12 hours ago or something because it really would have hurt…but seriously….a week ago. Am I not enough? Am I not what He is looking for?

I know I am going slow and maybe it’s His fault for not training me as well as He would like. But this is not my fault. No, I will not take the blame for something like this! I have given him myself. I have given him anything that He has asked of me and more. I want to make him happy. I want to make sure his needs are met. I’m new and haven’t been doing BDSM for more than a couple of months and it’s all been with Him. I’m hurt. I’m really reallllly hurt by all this. I dont know if I can move on ask and possible have to let go. I know in order to get over this I am going to have to. I am going to have to confront him and ask Him what the hell he is doing!

This is not fair. Then again what is fair in love? We still haven’t had sex. But I have been open and have been nice to him. I didn’t receive any message back from him last night when I got home and told him I wanted to try something new. I know he worked late but for him to not reply and not care is odd. Something has made me look and see what he is being up to and I dont like this. I dont like this at all. My trust is ruined. I dont know if he is looking for a play mate for me, it is a fantasy to have another young girl come in so I can play with her and he instructs me to, but he’s profile is still the same as when I met him. I dont know if I can trust him anymore! This is heartbreaking. Truly heart breaking.

I have given myself to him entirely given him the pleasure to do whatever He wishes to me, he introduced electric shock the other week, I slept over last sunday I slept over two days ago. Every chance that I can get to be with him I am doing so. Once again I am alone on this because no one knows my dark side, not even my closest friends. He knows all my secrets and desires, he knows what I crave and he fed it lovingly and kindly. Now I feel I have been played for a fool. Given him my innocence and trust and myself to Him, to be His to care for protect and cherish. He has ruined things, my beautiful bubble is shattered to a thousand pieces because He is still looking for another to play with.

I should have asked him when I left yesterday morning, I should have asked whose new shirts those were hanging in his closet. He had just boughten me new lingerie because I didnt want to wear what He had, I was afraid it belonged to someone else and dont want to be wearing it if it did belong to someone else or if someone else is wearing it for that matter. Two other pieces are hanging in his closet, I requested to have a drawer for my belongings and a place to have some yoga pants and work out clothes for when I’m there. Now I know I should have asked him.

What would you do?

Not Just Kink

loving

It’s been a crazy few weeks and I haven’t had much time to be able to sit down and write this down. None the less I need to continue what I started and keep sharing my hopes and fears down The Rabbit Hole. Dom also keeps reminding me that I should continue to write so I am also following his wishes on the matter. I’ll try my best to keep up with things.

I had a rough week this week at work. I travel for a living and I am away from Nashville Monday through Thursday. On Wednesday evening I had a very important meeting with several physicians who I will be working with for the next couple of months. To put it into short words. The meeting did not go to my liking. I am usually a person who is in control and can multitask several things and be pretty good at them all. This was an area that was outside of my grasp but none the less I was very upset when it didnt go as well as I had anticipated. I beat myself up a little too much and can be quite hard on myself. I strive for excellence and am a bit pissy when it falls short of that. I know its unrealistic but thats just who I am. I have always been that way, and I dont see it changing anytime soon. I just get to learn to let the bad times roll off.

As I went back to my hotel defeated and upset I texted Dom, he was at work so I knew he wouldnt be able to have a conversation. As I told him how I felt and what was going on. He understood and even reminded me why I enjoy this type of relationship so much. Since I usually have all the power and control around my project, giving Him all my power and trusting him completely I give him something and gain everything myself. I willingly give him the power to do as he wishes. I listen and know that He is taking care of me and is protecting me. I wont doubt this, I can see it and understand it very clearly.

I was ordered upon my arrival into Nashville to go start to his home. I did exactly as I was told. I would have gone over anyways, It’s nice to see Him as soon as I get home. Makes the weeks fly by with anticipation as to what exactly we will be doing when I arrive. As I arrive at his house, not a moment before getting out of the car I receive a text message. “Come in the front door, strip yourself completely in the foyer and walk into the bedroom.” – Sir. Now I’ve done this before, the very first time I met him I was scare shitless and shown up to a strangers home and did the exact same thing. This time around I was still nervous, terrified that he was going to harm me and take my power away when I already was feeling powerless and completely lost. None the less, I did as I was ordered. It made me wet to get it before I even had seen him.

As I open the door, the house is dark and the fire is burning. I can smell and incense burning and it smells delicious. I take off my shoes and strip myself completely taking a deep breath and heading into the bedroom leaving a pile of clothes in the foyer. As I walk in the bedroom is dark and no sign of him in there. The bathroom is dimly lit and I walk through peeking to see if he is in there. to my surprise there is a large bubble bath made with candles all over the bathroom and a plate of Girl Scout cookies. Oh my! He comes up from behind me and grabs me, feeling me and making me wetter. I want him to take me right then and there and make my emptiness disappear. Instead he kisses me hungrily on my neck, sending shivers down my spine.

I turn around to face him and I am so relieved, overwhelmed and excited that someone has taken the time to make me a bubble bath because I had such a shitty week at work. He made me something so small and simple but reflects more to the basis of how a Dom/sub relationship works. Being a Submissive means you place your power, your trust, your wishes, your everything and give it to a Dominant. the Dominant should treasure that gift, because at any time if the scale is not even the Submissive has the power to take it all away leaving them alone. I gave my Dom this gift and in return I have received such joy and pleasure that I have ever seen from any past Lover of mine. He cares for me and wishes that my well being is just as satisfied as my sexual needs. He is my protector and the person that I can tell anything, because we have an open and honest communication. He decides what is best for me and what I can handle, after seeing how torn I already was from the week, He couldn’t tolerate it any more and had to show me the care that I needed at the time.

I cried from such joy and passion that I felt from him. Tears of joy that someone wants to take care of me. He placed me in the jacuzzi and I was quickly lost in a sea of bubbles. He fed me the cookies and we talked about everything but work. After a while I asked him to join me since I felt much better and wasnt crying any longer. He stripped his clothes off and I got to see his beautiful cock. Ah, his cock. It makes me wet just thinking about it. It’s a big, cock. Wide, very wide, long and strong. As he pulled his boxer-briefs down it stood there very erected and very delicious. He joined me and continued to lather my body, caressing it with the bubbles as the flames of the candles danced around our bodies.

I leaned back against him and his hands began to wander all over my body, correction, His body.I kept talking, chatting away at his ear trying not to loose myself in the thought of him touching me, which is very difficult to do! He slowly made his way to my pussy.Since I was in the jacuzzi there was no way he could tell how wet I was but I was extremely turned on and very eager to have him. He played me very well.Stroking me softly at first, giving me the time to adjust to what His wishes were. Gaining speed as my breath grew shorter, I wouldnt last long before I would cum. He made me cum 3 times before doing something I was clearly not expecting.

I straddled him to give him better access to my craving pussy hoping I could possible slip him in me, which is something we still have not done, thats right no intercourse. He gently played with my asshole, He knows I haven’t been taken there or have even had someone play with me there. That night He did, and he placed his large finger inside my pussy and my asshole. I was being penetrated from both holes and He was playing with my clit. Three things being played with together all at once was sending me to the stars in far far away galexies. I could not feel anything, my body was convolsing in ways I did not know was possible. He played me harder. waiting to see me shatter in a million pieces. I came so hard when I did, the only thing I could do was collapse on him and have him hold me. He broke me again so he could put me back together. He wanted to make sure that I was healed and fixed.

He is not only interested in being kinky with me but making sure my mind body and soul are taken care of as well. Daddy is very good to his baby girl.

Safety

here

I am going to switch gears a bit and talk about safety. I know I haven’t written about my latest encounter with Dom but I find this very important. I feel like I have to discuss the in’s out’s and possibilities of what could happen and ways to notice those red flags of a predator.

The way I went about meeting Dom is something that I wouldn’t encourage others to do, in fact it was stupid. I should have met him in a public place and had coffee or dinner with him before I striped myself naked, my heart beating out of my chest like a humming bird. Get to know the person as best as you can before agreeing to any sort of relationship. I was so eager and in love with the idea of submitting to someone that I forgot all about the signs of a potential predator. Now that I have spent time with Dom and see who he really is I trust him more than ever. He is a physician and so kind, you would never realize he had a dark side to him. Which in times I find myself wondering if all that is happening might not be enough.

If you meet a potential person who you are interested in and are willing to put your complete trust in them get to know them. I met Dom online and we talked for a few days before making the transaction of meeting in person. If you do I would recommend finding out their likes, dislikes, what makes them kink. You will realize if you are up for something or not. There are also lists that are out there that can give you an idea of what you are comfortable with being done to you or you doing to them.

I suggest you get out a piece of paper and pen, or your ipad and stylus, or your computer whatever method you prefer. And make a list of things that make you wet. Write out your ultimate fantasies the ones you wouldn’t even dream of telling another soul and put them down. Once you have written down a few things you can at least have something tangible to go off of. You’ll know what you consider your soft limits or your hard limits the “never in a  thousand years would I ever do that.” I’ll give you one of my hard limits so you can get an idea, I would not like to be shocked in any way, do not come at me with any form of electric shock because it scares the crap out of me and I have learned that I am a bit masochistic but it just seems like something I wouldn’t want to be done. A soft limit for me would be adding someone to our affair. This is something Dom and I have been discussing and the more and more we do the more I seem to be turned on my it. I wouldn’t like it if he would touch another girl, I’m selfish that way and wouldn’t like it, maybe later on I would be comfortable enough or sure of our relationship that I wouldn’t care. For now he wouldn’t be allowed to touch or anything just watch. I would love to have a girl come in and be submissive  to me as I do a little Domme of my own. Maybe I am a switch? I don’t know yet. Dom would watch and tell me what he would like for me to do, like a command chain. The thing is I wouldn’t do this with just anyone. I wouldn’t appreciate it if he would bring home any girl and I wasn’t aware of it. I want to be attracted to this person because if not I may not be able to come or be pleased by the whole Play time. Find out what works for you and what doesn’t I feel is a great way to see how compatible you two are.

Once you have discussed some ideas and continue to be interested, maybe send some pictures and see if you like the person. Take things slow. Get to know them. If you meet them through other resources such as a BDSM Club, ask the members what they think. Ask your mentor if the person you are considering would be a good match. They would be much more knowledgeable when it comes to these kinds of things. They might approve or disapprove of the match, they might be able to see things from a different angle and being new to the lifestyle the person may not be suitable for your. Remember that you are in training and not to be offended if they disapprove. They may not need to tell you why either, it may just be in the best interest of both parties.

Be weary of trusting someone completely, what we offer is precious. We offer something so much more valuable and treasured. We give ourselves, mind, body, and soul to a person to hold on to and do as they will with it, for pleasure.

Red Flags:

  • Be scared of the Dom/Domme
  • Lossing weight without the intention of doing so
  • Feeling like you have no control over your choices (you should always have the choice to say no and they should respect that, you are not a doormat)
  • Feeling insecure (you must be a strong person to give something so valuable to another person, keep strong- I have found that since I have allowed myself this I am in better control of my life and tasks)
  • Their character changes very quickly and you don’t understand
  • Abusive! – yes there are those who like to be hit, spanked, flogged, or pushed around. This is not the same as abuse, when you call out that safe word and they don’t care. That they tell you you are worthless and a terrible sub, thats mental abuse. Remember without you in the equation the whole relationship doesnt exist. You are a strong beautiful person and shouldn’t be subjected to anything less that being treated like treasure for the gift you give them.
  • If he is an asshole – this might be seen at a restaurant, see how they treat the waitress/waiter. Are they nice? are they polite? This could help you to see how you will be treated in the relationship.
  • Any gut feeling you get that it’s wrong, really wrong. Not the ones from your head that make you have panic attacks, your inner spirit

Make smart choices when meeting people, there are thousands of predators disguising to be Doms/Masters/Sir’s that could be very hurtful and harmful. Don’t give out too much personal information as well so in case it doesnt work out you wont have a stalker or someone that would be able to hurt you when you are home and safe. I welcome any feedback or topics that you would like to know next about. I just feel this was a big important topic that I had to put out there.

Round 2

yup

I haven’t been so nervous for a date in a long time. It’s really our “first” date, well I suppose our “second” date. First one was me quivering and praying that I make it out alive in order to tell the story. Tonight, was an actual date. A dinner and then some Play.

I told him I would be there at 6, I arrive at 5:59, everything that I have read has lead me to believe that Dom’s can be a bit touchy. They are ones to not be messed with and if so needed they will “punish” you for arriving late. I dont like to to be “punished” it brings about negative thoughts and makes me feel less then my standard. Which on a side note I am attempting to reconstruct, read “The Four Agreements” a book on how to not be so dependent on the domestication of humans and to be True to oneself. Maybe if I was told what to like and what not to like I would be in a different position and have already been through this all and an expert on pain and pleasure.

I ring the doorbell and wait. He opens the door and I plant a kiss on him, he grabs me and kisses me, hard and passionately. We head off for dinner, Ethiopian cuisine is what we decide. I haven’t tried Ethiopian before but if you’re into trying new foods, or love spices, it is delicious! I will be a fan for the rest of my life. You eat with your fingers and make a “taco” out of everything on the plate. All the while during dinner we laugh and talk and I am honestly enjoying his company. Something that has been missing for a while, He is himself. He’s not putting on a show, he Owns me already, he isn’t trying to prove himself, I wouldn’t care anyways. He is simply being himself. It is refreshing and beautiful all in itself to get to know someone who isn’t trying to impress you or trying to be someone they are not.

As we head back to his house I honestly don’t know what to expect. Will He make me strip again? Will he just walk me to my car kiss me good night and thats it? I would hope not. We walk in and He assists me with talking my coat off, he kisses my neck and grabs my breasts. I spin around and wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him, hard and long. As if I knew him for a lifetime and only wanted him. I do only want him. We start a fire and lay on the couch talking and drinking wine. I straddle him eager to start the Show. I take off my top willingly, he just sits there watching me, no expression of pleasure or  disgust simply watching, like a predator.

I sit on top of him topless, kissing him, we make out of a while. I stand up to grab my drink, I’m parched and need to breath. He has taken my breathe away and I cannot seem to find the space between reality and dreaming. I am tipsy without having too much to drink, he has me in a haze and I am turned on by it. I sit on his lap and we take silly nothings. I’m not sure how my pants came off but before I knew it I was on the ottoman again. As I sit on the ottoman waiting to see what happens, He towers over me and removes his belt.

I’m sitting down and thinking, we’re going to have sex. He looks at me with That Look. Uh Oh. Only his belt is coming off. His leather belt. I laugh thinking he’s joking, what the hell is he going to do with that!? He’s not thinking about using it on me is He? “Max, what are you doing? Max, you’re not going to use that on me are you? Max, Please no! Max, NO! No! NOOOOO!” He say’s nothing, and continues to look at me like I am brunch, served on a silver platter for him to feast on. ” Lay on you stomach, you have been a bad Girl and I need you to behave.” “I wasn’t bad, I was good” “You told me you were a dirty girl.” Yeah I did say that, I was being cheeky and playful trying to arouse him into thinking I was a dirty girl. I guess dirty girl now means I get to be punished. Kinky side of me likes to be punished.

I turn around all the while whimpering for what is to come. I trust He really doesn’t whip me and just lightly spanks me. He spanks me first, I jump from the first hit. Laughing the whole time because I am so nervous, begging him to show mercy and not do any damage. He grabs his belt raises it and lets it fall across my ass, lightly more of a tease and just to scare me. The fear in my eyes is what turns Him on. He raises it again and lets it drop, harder this time, I jump and squirm. Again He raises his belt and it falls haaaarder on my ass, now that hurt. “Ouch, Max that hurts ok you’ve had your fun now, stop.” He shoves me down hard and hits me again, harder this time. “You’ve been a bad girl baby, I dont like it when you’re bad.” Smaaack! “I promise Daddy I have learned my lesson, I wont do it again.” Smack. “I will show you not to do it again.” Smack, now that really hurt. ” Daddy I dont want to be bad I want to be good for you, I promise I wont do it again.” Smack. The entire time He is disciplining me, my ass gets higher taking each hit willingly. It turns me on and I can feel my wetness dripping down my legs. He forces himself inside me and begins to finger my wet pussy.

“You’re wet Baby Girl. I thought you said you weren’t a bad girl.” Arching my back and shaking my head “I wont be bad Daddy I promise to be your good girl.” “You promise to do as Daddy says? Who do you belong to?” He begins to finger me harder making me want to cum. ” I promise Daddy I wont be a bad girl. I’ll be good for you.” He grabs my hair pulling it taking control of my thoughts, fingering me harder. “Now Baby are you Daddys?” “Yes, I am yours, I was yours when I walked in. I belong to you and only want you!” I came, Thank you Daddy, he’s not stopping. “Only Mine!” he lounges further inside me and I cannot take it, I want him inside me. I came again. He grabs my legs and spreads them apart, pinning me down so I cannot move. He begins to eat me out. I cum again. Never stopping He keeps going, harder this time. Watching my body shake and squeeze with every orgasm. Forced orgasms, they will leave you sore.

After 4 other orgasms I was exhausted. I curled up on him and couldn’t move. I didn’t want to move. I was with Him and everything in this World makes sense. He strokes my hair and is pleased with the Play. We still haven’t had intercourse and I am dying to feel him inside me now. I don’t think I can last another date with out him inside me, He has my heart and soul.

I will do whatever it takes to make Him happy.

Submission

his grip

I’m nervous as I sit on the plane, I try to sleep but I’m thinking and can’t get the thoughts out of my mind. A nice lady calms me down by making small talk. We talk about the city and business blah blah blah. The airplane speech, I have it almost down to an art to describe what it is I do and the right questions to ask to gather information about people. I have always been a people person communication was a very important part of socializing with adults when I was a child. In my personal relationship, love  and friendship have paid a tole.

My past lovers have been true gentlemen who wanted nothing but please Princess. I was, I was always impressed and felt their love for me their need for me. The only problem is I didn’t return it the way they did. I would fake it. I would put on a show and seduce them in order to get sex, which at times wasn’t very good sex. It was be just sex. There was no passion or wish to make me happy, it was about them. Which being in a BDSM relationship is all about. But there is the trick to this. Being a submissive is pleasure. The idea of having someone else make the decisions, taking advantage of me, using me for what He wants, is a complete turn on for me It allows those fantasies that I have longed for to come true. For all the men that I have loved, treasured, respected, and felt a kindness only few know and set back into the world, I apologize. I truly and honestly apologize. It is better that I did then to keep stringing you along and realize you weren’t The One. Please understand that I am now happy and wish you the same.

The plane landed and I quickly turned on my cell. Message from friend, uuugh not him, message from boy-not now, message from Mom, ahh not who I want to talk to at the moment, message from unknown number “Welcome back to Nashville. 1015 Sugar Court 37207. See you soon. -Sir” Shit! My mind is racing at this point I wait for my bag and am constantly checking my cell, hoping for an update. I run to the bathroom and change brush my teeth and get ready. I said I was going to be there at 8:30 but airports are too unpredictable and I didn’t want to be late. For anxiety was building up, what if I am late and he hurts me (punishment), what if he is a killer and I am dead in a few hours, what if I can’t go through with this and break down and cry? All the possibilities the scenarios of what the night to be danced imaginatively in my mind. I start towards his house.

I speed down the highway and text him, “Thank glad to be back, I’m on my way, do I knock or just come in?” “Just come in, when you enter the house take off all your clothes on the colored rug and walk towards the fire.”-Sir. I had strategically picked out what to wear, with the limited about you can fit on a carry on size suitcase I travel and it is a really easy way to go about my schedule. A white tunic that is shear and shows my bra, my favorite pair of jeans they hug just the right areas and fit very well on my body they’re the usual always look goof feel good jean, and some 6 inch platform heels. He is 6’3”, very tall next to someone as small as I am.

Siri guides me along to his house, I think what if his house is horrible, what if I can’t do this, ‘what if’s’ i swear they could kill you. I pulled into his drive way and sat there in the car engine running. I inspected the house. It looked very nice. Nothing I couldn’t see myself living in. My heart is racing at this point, this is so out of character to show up to a complete strangers house. Not only to a stranger, a Dominant stranger, a man who would love to tie me up, restrain me, use me, and enjoy every minute of it. I was shaking, but I gathered up the courage, what little I had left, and walked towards the door. Just breathe, juuuust breathe, I reach for the door handle and stop, I am frozen panicking! I am panicking and thinking I am a little lamb showing up to be feasted on by a lion, I am this helpless Lady who is going to willingly take off her clothes for a man to watch me and do as he will, and a complete stranger! Frozen I standing there thinking should I go?

Before I could talk myself out of it, running away, and disappearing from this; the door opened. He opened the door and I stepped in, too late now. The room was dimly lit and a fire was glowing crackling giving heat to the room. As I turned around I was met with two eyes looking down at me, they looked at me with confidence and a sensation that made me feel I was a defenseless animal and he was looking at dinner. My heart was racing and I was frozen. Helpless. He approached me in two strides and assisted with my coat.

I was shaking, nervous and scared, He wrapped me in his arms. “You are very nervous, I can feel your heart beating, I can feel the chills running down your body, I can feel you shaking.” “I am so nervous I haven’t done this before and I am very nervous.” He kissed my neck and held me close. Soothing me and calming my nerves, my mind, I had to gain control of myself or this night will never happen. “Why did you come then?” “To feel pleasure, to be yours.” He grabs me and leads me to the fire, a red velvet couch sits in front of it a round ottoman with a blanket lays on top of it. I guess thats where I am to sit. He slowly says “No.” He leads me into the area and waits, I know what I am to do and why he is waiting. He is waiting for me to undress myself. I look at him and take of my shirt, one layer. I removed my bra, another layer, the whole time staring at him. I go to sit on the couch to take off my shoes, I’m trying to be sexy and poised, the last thing I need is to fall flat on my face trying to take off those heels.

He walks in front of me staring at me the entire time, circling around me. I’m still shaking and nervous, I finally strip down and am completely naked. I feel so exposed, more exposed than I have ever been. In the past my lovers and I would strip down and get down to it. they wouldn’t really look at me, appreciate me in my best. It was hot and heavy and poof, it would be over, this this is something way more intense. Maybe thats why I am drawn to this, to feel a completion with my desires and sex. As I stood there he looked me over, spun me around and muttered, “nice, very nice, you will do.” How can words so demeaning to a women be such a turn on. He sat me down on the ottoman and blind folded me. My other sense kicked in and I could feel he had turned away, I could here him muffling around then I hear a zip, he took off his clothes and was kneeling next to me. “Now. Why did you come here?” “I’m here, I’m here because I want to be, I choose to be here.” “Good. You are to give yourself to me, to give to my will, to be mine. You understand?” The chills ran all over my body and I was wet, really wet and I didnt care. I nodded.

I want to be his, I want to belong to something greater than myself. I have longed to find my soulmate, is he The One, only time can tell. For now I will give myself to him honestly, openly, and trustingly.

He laid my down on the ottoman and slapped my legs open, I hesitantly opened them and tried to keep them semi closed, He slapped them again. He kisses my neck and unties my hair, it falls down and trails over my body, he grabs it and gently pulls it. He begins to play with my pussy. “You’re wet.” “Yes, I am this has been something I have wanted to do for a long time.” “You’re Very wet.” “This is very erotic and different, I haven’t done something like this.” He begins to stroke my pussy slowly playing with my pussy and clit  he rhythmically  strokes it and watches me gasp for air as my body twitches. He went harder and harder making me moan and scream, I came. He didnt stop, he just kept going, my orgasm was quicker this time, again I came. Never stopping only going harder and harder he continued, I came again, my body in shakes and waves of emotion and electricity. As he stopped and slowly kissed me hungrily hard on the mouth, I moaned and reached for him, holding onto his neck letting him feel my appreciation for three orgasms. He grabbed my neck and propped me up, my legs instantly went around him, straddling him as we deepened the kiss.

My nerves were gone and I was calm, we talk, this is the first time we are getting to know each other as people, not as sexual beings. I curled up on him and talked, getting to know each other and discovering who we are as human beings. I guess I am lucky enough to have found someone as kinky as I am and that still wants to hold me and get to know who I am. We discovered each other in more than one way and I feel I have already given myself to him and there is nothing that I dont want to share with him. We talked about how long I had been wanting to do this, he was curious, he wanted to get to know me. I love it, I love that he wants to get to know me, that he wants to please me and I him. That he wants to go out to dinner and hang out outside of the bedroom.

To be honest I don’t think I could have any other type of relationship. If this doesnt work out the way I would like it to or can see the potential in, I just may have to look for something like this. Someone who loves me completely and wholly for who I am and what I like to do.

He led me into the bedroom and laid me down. on my stomach, “arms up” he told me. I did as I was told. He began putting oil all over my body and rubbing me down. A Dominant who wants to give me a massage? Is this for real? Everything I have read is about the whole game of it being a completely kinky fest. Where there is no passion or caring of the other and is strictly a ‘use me” status. An extreme power play. Maybe he is different, he says he is looking for someone in and out of the bedroom. He wants something more, at this point I really would like to be that for him. He is educated, handsome, older and caring of my needs. We will have to wait and see what this all falls out to be.

He climbed on my back and kept massaging me, he made me open my legs slapping them open, he slapped my ass. I mean slapped it I thought I was going to scream. I loved the sound and the feeling it brought to me. He played harder and harder on His “button” grabbing my hair then making his way to my neck. He latched on squeezing it, softly not too much pressure, I probably would be comfortable with him going harder but I didnt say anything. He said “You’re wet again. You like that dont you?” Do I ever, I have wanted for someone to grab me like that and make me feel helpless. I nodded and he began pumping himself on me. I began to moan, squirm and shake, he later told me that it was one of the 2 times that felt me really squeeze. It was hot and it felt good. He continued to make my cum another 3 times, a total of 7 times in one night. The most I have ever! I always had to fake it, I may have felt only a handful of true orgasms and tonight I was alive, this this is real. We never had intercourse, he said he had promised himself not to make love to me, did you catch that? Make Love to me! aaaahh!  He wanted to break that very much, I looked him in the eyes and told him we could wait, take it slow and not have to rush into things that there would be plenty of time to do all of that. Honestly I think I wasn’t ready for it, giving mysefl to him for the first time, the first time to anyone was more than enough for a first date.

He laid down on the bed and I curled up on him again. Grateful for what he has done for me, in one night he has blown all my records and has me thinking about him none stop ever sense. “You are to say ‘thank you’ next time you cum.” “Yes of course” I said, that feels like a rule. I dare not to forget it, I have a feeling he may be nice but I know he has a dark streak, he would punish me for messing up and I am too much of a good girl to upset Daddy in that fashion. I would much rather be punished because I wanted to be punished, not because I messed up or gave him a reason to be angry. I was screaming and saying to stop as he happily carried on playing with His button. He held me and we kept talking learning about each other, we have a lot more in common than I had anticipated.

The rest of the night was like that. We talked and laughed and are planting a seed that could grow into something more than just playmates. My Dom cares, and wants to find love, I trust we are compatible and can start a monogamous relationship. One that we agree upon and can be fully ourselves around each other. We’re going out to dinner tomorrow and then having a private session. I have an early flight to catch in the morning so we will see if I should be ready for a sleep over or come back home. Maybe he isnt The One (gosh I kinda hope he is though) but I know now that I will always be grateful towards him, for bringing me into this new lifestyle, for being kind and trustworthy, for allowing me to give myself to him.

Thank you Daddy, Dom, Master, Sir and all the other names he may be in the future.

Introduction

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Life carries on in the world, fly in and manage the hospital, coax any worries, answer any concerns all with a smile and confidence. Confidence in myself and my team whom I treasure very much. I am a great leader they tell me, kind and not quick to jump to conclusions. Who is sure, informative, and knowledgeably. I keep up with what is current in the world and love reading.

My curiosity has the best of me this week. I am a mess (inside), I am a bit distracted and can only think about that look the Dom gave me from the bar the other night. How horny it made me to feel his desire towards me. I started doing research and was a bit overwhelmed and scared all at the same time. Everything out there is pretty intense, and being a novice I was apprehensive of ever going through with it. I joined websites so I can read what people have to say on www.fetlife.com. A network of like minded people who have questions and everyone can answer, a place to learn and be honest. Honestly, something I haven’t really been with myself for a while, mostly towards my desires. I also joined an online dating sight so I could meet a person interested in what I am and train me on how to be a good submissive. www.bdsmsingles.com  is the website if you are interested in meeting, chatting, skyping or whatever you want with other men or women, who are looking for someone to be with. Maybe its for fun, maybe its just for Playtime, maybe its a 24.7 Dom/sub relationship, maybe its a committed relationship in and out of the bedroom. Anyone and all walks of life can be found here. These two I have had the most success with and I will keep posting more as I learn…remember I am just starting, just like you.

I fill out my profile on the singles website and never post my image, I am a pretty Lady, sexy, and have a precious hourglass frame on my 5’1” body, curvy, and exotic features. I was blessed with this body and have had men eyeing since I can remember, so posting what I looked like I felt would bring in more attention or worse those abusive men pretending, which is very very dangerous. Please be careful when meeting these men or women from online sites, we are open and trustworthy by nature and to already be putting yourself out there and being a sub is requiring a lot of trust on someone. Your life could depend on it! It is also about my privacy, I don’t want to see a coworker on there or vice versa. The dangers of that could be monumental to my success and I am not willing to let that happen to my goals. See I am an intelligent Lady. Be smart about what works best for your life, make smart choices. Men are messaging, me interested in my title and biography that I post. “Curious and New” is my opener and with a biography that tells that I am a new sub looking for a kind Dom who is willing to be patient with me while I learn. I message them back and forth and get that hot feeling I get when really aroused, just doing this was against my very nature, putting myself so openly to strangers was new to me. Something bigger than me was telling me to continue to search that all was well and not be too afraid. I even thought about deactivating my account because nothing was clicking or making me feel my feelings, which I have a lot of…thats a different blog I can post about another time, but nw is not the place. Then He messages me.

“Discrete Dom looking for Loyal Sub” that seems right up my alley “what exactly are you looking for young Lady?” is what he asks me. I reply and give him my shpeal, “Hi, I am looking for a Dom who can teach me the ways. I am new, virgin new, and need someone who is kind and patient to be with.” “I think I can assist you that my Pet.” My Pet, I loved how he was already claiming me, calling me his Pet. Something treasured and valuable. Something that needs being taken care of and maintained. It made me hot and wet, my mind was spinning and the possibilities were the darkest desires in my mind. We kept messaging never really revealing any information about each other.

He asks me about my fantasies, what I would like to do. My breathing starts to get heavy as I read the message after a long day of work. What are my fantasies, “Bondage, age role play, role play, being a helpless love slave, and having a man do what he wants to me” I type fast and send right away. “An intellectual and kinky, I like this. This could work. Now my pet, do you really want to do all that? Do you really want to give yourself completely to a Dom? Do you want to give your will up to serve me?”-Sir. I sat there reading the message over and over again. I was wet and breathing heavily. “Yes, yes I do” “Then come to me now and come into my house. Come in, take off all your clothes and submit yourself to me. Ask of me that I take the time to train you as Dominant and you my submissive.” I was wet, really wet! I quickly remembered I was hundreds of miles away sitting in my hotel room and that was simple not possible at the moment. “I can’t I travel for work and wont be in town till Thursday around 8:30, Sir.” “Well, that is a problem isn’t. Well then I will see you, if you still want to, on Thursday at my home at 8:30.” – Sir.

The week flew by and we stayed in contact all the entire week. I was more aroused and interested in reading and learning the ways of BDSM. I stayed up late and mostly forcing myself to finally fall asleep.  But the day has finally come, it’ll be Thursday and I will finally get to meet Him. All this time we still dont know each others names, not even what we look like.

He tells me to send a picture of myself and to give him my name and number so he may text me my address. I did as I was told. I didnt want to make him mad or upset or in any way displease him. I wasnt sure who he was and after reading so much I was scared. Scared that he might be a horrible person and seriously abuse me. I asked him to do that same. He replies at seeing my photo that he thought I was beautiful and I that will do nicely. He sends his picture, as I open the attachment I am relieved. He is a handsome man, he isn’t a heavy man which I feared a big over weight man taking control of me and it hurting. I dont know if I could even be attracted to someone like that. His name, Max. He hadnt replied to my message or sent a text prior to my plane departing. I kept checking and checking, nothing. Airplane Mode.

Opening Act

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The Wallflower: This is a shy, submissive individual who holds the glass protectively, not letting go, as though afraid somebody will take it away. Palms are kept hidden and the glass is used as a social crutch – the drink is never quite finished, with a mouthful left in case of emergency. The drink is small (maybe half a pint of lager for a man). It may be drunk through a straw, which is fidgeted with, and used to stir the drink between sips. The style and pace of drinking is an echo of those around them (very little is initiated). This individual needs to be approached in a gentle, sensitive way, with perhaps a few understated compliments to build self-confidence, but may eventually warm to overtures.

Since relocating to a new city, due to finding a wonderful job that I have power, authority and control over people over a hospital to be exact, it has been a bit difficult to make friends outside of work and even harder to met Someone. I travel on a weekly basis as well so that may also have something to do with the amount of friends I have here. So I decided to change that, I decided I was going to put myself “out there” and see what I can catch. I joined dating websites, which to my surprise is full of handsome boys, with jobs, and weren’t weird or mean in any way.  Some, just like me, were new to the city or just didn’t have time to meet people since they had busy work schedules. Desperate times call for desperate measures. I know, but it’s the honest truth, and I promised to be honest on my journey.

As I sat at the bar waiting for my date to arrive, which due to lack of communication we ended up at different locations. I was already feeling this was a great way to make a first impression, he was late and at the wrong place to begin with. I know because I had called saying I was arriving, he said he was still on his way check 1. I also said bar and not movies specifically when calling him…he didnt catch it, he must be looking for just a good-time, something I am but not necessarily down to get down with a stranger. Or so I thought.

I ordered a drink, finished it. I ordered another one, finished it. All the time playing with my drink, stirring, and swaying to the music. Looking at all the handsome boys in the bar which I could feel were eyeing me. I avoided eye contact, that would be strange to have your date show up and you flirting with someone else. I was getting ready to order my next drink when a man, muscular, tall, tan and very handsome comes up to me. He asked if he could buy me a drink as I politely begin to explain how I couldn’t accept his offer he had  brushed me off and ordered the drink. Oh well!

As my drink came and he paid the bartender, who looked a bit defeated; he looked my in the eye and asked the usual opening conversation questions. My name, what I do for a living, how long I had been in town for, blah, blah, blah.  When WHAM! He asked me if I was a submissive. Huh, excuse me? What is that? I hadnt heard that one before, beautiful, sexy, exotic yes; but submissive, never. I asked what the hell he was talking about, he laughed and stared into my eyes hungrily, looking deep into my very soul searching for something. A look that made me get chills down my body, a look that made me wet. He kept starring at me and touched me lightly on the shoulder, which gave me more chills, and leaned in and whispered in my ear “I am a Dominant man, a man who likes a submissive women, that likes to do erotic things to her body for pleasure.” As he leaned away, my heart was racing and I felt hot, very hot. It was like he was a stranger offering candy to a child, in a way he was! I looked into his eyes flushed and still confused shock my head and said “I have not done anything related to that.” He laughed, and touched me again making me shiver and almost melt into a puddle in my chair, he gave me a kiss on the check, strong, passionate and hungrily launching on to the nape of my neck. Now he did it. I was hot and bothered and could have gone anywhere with him and done anything for him. He told me before leaving that I am a beautiful women and that I shouldn’t be out of a mans sight much less be out alone, that men were prowling for young victims such as myself and that I would make the perfect one for him. Oh my! I was in a frenzy of erotic wonderland.

What he did was plant a seed, a dark secretive seed that has spiraled and spun a delicate web in my head. You see, I am an intellectual, an analyst and very observant. I use my head a lot and find comfort with this side of myself. I am also have a carefree attitude towards life and am very adaptable and flexible. He gave me his number and let me know that when I was ready to be Dominated to let him know. I still dont know why I didnt call him. Maybe because he had already seen how much I would willingly give myself to that feeling he kindly gave me.

My date arrived and was very nice, but never offered to buy me a drink, he just wanted my body. We danced and kissed and flirted but in the end I was unimpressed and left with curiosity for this whole Dom/sub thing. I went home and quickly fell asleep, working Ladies need their rest for their early flights to catch the next day.