Safety

by Poca Cosa

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I am going to switch gears a bit and talk about safety. I know I haven’t written about my latest encounter with Dom but I find this very important. I feel like I have to discuss the in’s out’s and possibilities of what could happen and ways to notice those red flags of a predator.

The way I went about meeting Dom is something that I wouldn’t encourage others to do, in fact it was stupid. I should have met him in a public place and had coffee or dinner with him before I striped myself naked, my heart beating out of my chest like a humming bird. Get to know the person as best as you can before agreeing to any sort of relationship. I was so eager and in love with the idea of submitting to someone that I forgot all about the signs of a potential predator. Now that I have spent time with Dom and see who he really is I trust him more than ever. He is a physician and so kind, you would never realize he had a dark side to him. Which in times I find myself wondering if all that is happening might not be enough.

If you meet a potential person who you are interested in and are willing to put your complete trust in them get to know them. I met Dom online and we talked for a few days before making the transaction of meeting in person. If you do I would recommend finding out their likes, dislikes, what makes them kink. You will realize if you are up for something or not. There are also lists that are out there that can give you an idea of what you are comfortable with being done to you or you doing to them.

I suggest you get out a piece of paper and pen, or your ipad and stylus, or your computer whatever method you prefer. And make a list of things that make you wet. Write out your ultimate fantasies the ones you wouldn’t even dream of telling another soul and put them down. Once you have written down a few things you can at least have something tangible to go off of. You’ll know what you consider your soft limits or your hard limits the “never in a  thousand years would I ever do that.” I’ll give you one of my hard limits so you can get an idea, I would not like to be shocked in any way, do not come at me with any form of electric shock because it scares the crap out of me and I have learned that I am a bit masochistic but it just seems like something I wouldn’t want to be done. A soft limit for me would be adding someone to our affair. This is something Dom and I have been discussing and the more and more we do the more I seem to be turned on my it. I wouldn’t like it if he would touch another girl, I’m selfish that way and wouldn’t like it, maybe later on I would be comfortable enough or sure of our relationship that I wouldn’t care. For now he wouldn’t be allowed to touch or anything just watch. I would love to have a girl come in and be submissive  to me as I do a little Domme of my own. Maybe I am a switch? I don’t know yet. Dom would watch and tell me what he would like for me to do, like a command chain. The thing is I wouldn’t do this with just anyone. I wouldn’t appreciate it if he would bring home any girl and I wasn’t aware of it. I want to be attracted to this person because if not I may not be able to come or be pleased by the whole Play time. Find out what works for you and what doesn’t I feel is a great way to see how compatible you two are.

Once you have discussed some ideas and continue to be interested, maybe send some pictures and see if you like the person. Take things slow. Get to know them. If you meet them through other resources such as a BDSM Club, ask the members what they think. Ask your mentor if the person you are considering would be a good match. They would be much more knowledgeable when it comes to these kinds of things. They might approve or disapprove of the match, they might be able to see things from a different angle and being new to the lifestyle the person may not be suitable for your. Remember that you are in training and not to be offended if they disapprove. They may not need to tell you why either, it may just be in the best interest of both parties.

Be weary of trusting someone completely, what we offer is precious. We offer something so much more valuable and treasured. We give ourselves, mind, body, and soul to a person to hold on to and do as they will with it, for pleasure.

Red Flags:

  • Be scared of the Dom/Domme
  • Lossing weight without the intention of doing so
  • Feeling like you have no control over your choices (you should always have the choice to say no and they should respect that, you are not a doormat)
  • Feeling insecure (you must be a strong person to give something so valuable to another person, keep strong- I have found that since I have allowed myself this I am in better control of my life and tasks)
  • Their character changes very quickly and you don’t understand
  • Abusive! – yes there are those who like to be hit, spanked, flogged, or pushed around. This is not the same as abuse, when you call out that safe word and they don’t care. That they tell you you are worthless and a terrible sub, thats mental abuse. Remember without you in the equation the whole relationship doesnt exist. You are a strong beautiful person and shouldn’t be subjected to anything less that being treated like treasure for the gift you give them.
  • If he is an asshole – this might be seen at a restaurant, see how they treat the waitress/waiter. Are they nice? are they polite? This could help you to see how you will be treated in the relationship.
  • Any gut feeling you get that it’s wrong, really wrong. Not the ones from your head that make you have panic attacks, your inner spirit

Make smart choices when meeting people, there are thousands of predators disguising to be Doms/Masters/Sir’s that could be very hurtful and harmful. Don’t give out too much personal information as well so in case it doesnt work out you wont have a stalker or someone that would be able to hurt you when you are home and safe. I welcome any feedback or topics that you would like to know next about. I just feel this was a big important topic that I had to put out there.

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